i think my mom watched the whole time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
