My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
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He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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