My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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