man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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