I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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