yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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