we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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