she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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