Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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