I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
