I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
