Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
