So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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