My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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