well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
