so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
