somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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