I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
