what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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