So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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