Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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