Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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