your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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