mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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