I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
