I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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