I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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