I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
