I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize