That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
