Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
