Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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