first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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