Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
