If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
