Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
tonight lets celebrate not being married
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
