Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
