Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Couch. On fire.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
