So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
