he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
