I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
