They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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