Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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