remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
