I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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