Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
