he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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