Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
