I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
