our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
cat food counts as protein by the way
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
