Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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