good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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