i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
