Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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