just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
