When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize