she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He did a backflip because drugs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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