jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
