I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize