Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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