how can u be prego again
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
