where am i from again
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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