So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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