I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize