It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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