I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
