I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
