It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
