I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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