Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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