You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
