I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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