when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Terrible idea I love it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
