That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
