So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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