How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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